L.A. Affairs: I went on 53 first dates in one summer. Here's a look at my spreadsheet - BERITAJA

Three years aft my 2nd divorce, pinch the thief of a making love app, I went connected 53 first dates successful 1 summer. Fifty-three times, I put connected my first-date azygous (nice but not trying excessively hard), flat-ironed my hairsbreadth and texted my day itinerary to my friend Karen to make it easier for the FBI to way my whereabouts conscionable successful lawsuit this was the net day that yet went wrong.

I had a system. The strategy progressive a spreadsheet. I kept way of what I wore and what stories we shared to debar repeating myself successful lawsuit location was a 2nd aliases 3rd date. There were exploratory follow-up dates, but it usually only took 1 to know.

The coffees and lunches and dinners of that play flicker successful my mind for illustration a rom-com video montage. There were immoderate mean dates, plentifulness of nice-guy, zero-chemistry dates, but a fewer guidelines out.

Here are the notables.

There was the highly tall, insignificant convention shot subordinate I met astatine BJ’s successful Burbank. He said nary much than 4 words to maine the full meal, but managed to chat up our waitress. I judge he walked maine to my car and went backmost for her number.

The quiet and irritable TV editor I met astatine Guelaguetza connected Olympic Boulevard. We ordered the chickenhearted mole and chapulines. During the meal, he had a panic onslaught and excused himself to telephone his therapist. He really told maine this.

The experimental-video head pinch the achromatic faux hawk I met astatine Go Get Em Tiger successful East Hollywood. He spent the day successful an hourlong speech about his ex-wife Julia, stopping only to show maine many, galore photos of Julia.

A young man, primitively from Phoenix, asked to meet astatine Soot Bull Jip connected 8th Street. A struggling writer-actor-production assistant, he confided that he had looked up my sanction connected Internet Movie Database and noticed that I was a producer. He past proceeded to transportation maine an animated children’s show about singing giraffes. He besides asked for a thrust to Vons. I declined both.

The screenwriter I met astatine République who, based connected his startling non-resemblance to his photo, had evidently posted a image of personification other connected his profile. He brought maine 3 mixed CDs of euphony based connected what he “knew” I would like. It was each Radiohead and Elliott Smith. I adjusted my making love floor plan because I was apparently coming disconnected arsenic depressed.

There was the tense and uptight English tutor, pinch a book successful turn-around and a celebrated roommate, that I met astatine a Starbucks successful Koreatown. This feline corrected my grammar wrong the first 5 minutes of our introduction. Then, he proceeded to pass maine that alternatively than beryllium put disconnected by this, I should beryllium grateful for the caller accusation truthful I could hole my correction and not look to beryllium uneducated.

The trendy, bearded sports photographer I met for a late-night meal astatine Fred 62 successful Los Feliz. I had precocious hopes for this guy, and we made plans for a 2nd date. But past things started unraveling erstwhile we realized I had already dated his younger brother.

There was besides the suave (Hand kiss? Really?) and highly tan French tennis pro I crossed La Cienega Boulevard for and met for luncheon astatine Thai Vegan successful Santa Monica. He was connected a nonstop bid of calls connected his cellphone during the full repast and past asked for a 2nd date. I said, “Non, merci.”

When describing these guys to Karen, I utilized their identifying traits to explanation them. (Stalker Creep. Dude Looks Like a Lady. Mom Jeans Guy.) Like an FNG successful Vietnam, it was amended not to study their names.

Due to a communicative he had shared pinch maine via email, day No. 53 was identified arsenic Naked Drummer. I tried to reserve judgment. Before Naked Drummer came to meet maine for our first date, he called astatine the past infinitesimal and said the following:

“I want to recap. I conscionable turned 30. I americium presently surviving pinch my mother. I play guitar successful an replacement people band. I person a semi-crappy temp occupation astatine Disney pinch nary benefits. I thrust a greenish ’97 Plymouth Grand Voyager minivan that smells for illustration weed. If you would for illustration to alteration your mind about this full meal thing, now is your chance.” He described himself arsenic tall, acheronian and tall.

For immoderate reason, I collapsed galore of my first day “safety rules” pinch Naked Drummer. I gave him my address. I fto him prime maine up. When he came to get me, I fto him into my apartment. We went for meal astatine Noshi Sushi connected Beverly Boulevard. None of that is prudent behavior, and I do not urge immoderate of it isolated from the chu toro.

Naked Drummer was a funny, smart, bully Jewish boy who had been touring successful bands successful that Grand Voyager since assemblage graduation. On the first date, we bonded complete takuwan rolls and our histories arsenic teenage goths. My goth azygous included achromatic Maybelline eyeliner I utilized a lighter to power the extremity pinch earlier application. His goth azygous included an olive-green trench overgarment he borrowed from his mom. We were a lucifer made successful Joy Division heaven. He confided he was an Insane Clown Posse Juggalo, I intimated I was successful the Kiss Army. (We were some lying about those past two.)

Reader, I joined him.

The writer is simply a erstwhile writer, head and shaper for television. She and Mr. Rosenberg unrecorded successful South Pasadena. She’s connected Instagram: @smacksy.

L.A. Affairs chronicles the hunt for romanticist emotion successful each its glorious expressions successful the L.A. area, and we want to perceive your existent story. We salary $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@beritaja.com. You could find submission guidelines here. You could find past columns here.